Monday, August 29, 2011

Didn't See It Like This

Tomorrow starts a new school year for us.  Lord, Please help me for it is not as it formerly had been and with each passing year we have to do more with less. The people that make the decisions over our children are no longer being educated by the system they make us swallow and our children are being cheated. Lord please help. Help me please, oh Lord.  Even if I can't see the whole picture let me at least see some of it through your eyes.  Hold us up Holy Ghost for we can't accomplish anything unless you help.

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Wait On The Lord

Yesterday, I was not seeing things as clearly as I do today.  God in his infinite wisdom let me sound off on what thought was a wrong done to me.  I was angry about not being able to my change my work venue, even after I had interviewed well and passed all the requirements.  Husband, friends, and family consoled me as I lamented how unfair it was that I should have to go back but, they also shared they felt that the Lord wanted me where I was for reasons that I could not see. I knew they were right but did not want to say so.  During the early morning hours after the worst part of Hurricane Irene, the Lord allowed me to dream about what seemed to be my Father who has been gone for 36 years.  I was in a setting similar to my job and I told Daddy how glad I was that he came to get me.  I could not fully see his face but,  and he didn't answer me. I now understand that God used the dream as a metaphor so I could understand that even though I didn't get the jobs I thought I wanted, "Daddy" was still with me.  Amazing what God is willing to do to get us to see what he is up to without revealing his whole plan.  I will continue to pray,do my part, ask for forgiveness for my impatience and see what God has in store for those who wait on him.    Isaiah 40:31

Saturday, August 27, 2011

It Didn't Happen Again

I have been so upset and broken hearted beacuse I was not able to find a new venue to work this fall.  I wanted so desperately not to return to the school I have worked in for the last 5 years,  So much has changed there including at least 5 principals since I came on aboard. The changing of the guard  (principals)wasn't as distracting as I thought it would be but, the behavior of the children has changed signifcantly. Close friends and family that I shared my disappointment with said that I didn't get the jobs  because I am needed where I am.  For the last 3 years I have been trying to find employment elsewhere and it did not happen.  I think there is some merit in what they have said, however, I am still hurt and really don't want to go back. I know God is in the midst of this and the outcome was always in his hands but, I have not yet stopped feeling let down.  Someome out there knows how I feel. I need prayer and I have ro admit to God my real feelings and move on.  Dissappointed or not.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Better Days

I have heard some great sermons lately and as always, they make me look inward.   Last Sunday's sermon was about how people tend to live in their heads.  We will try to make others think all is well when the reality is things are not. The preacher was someone very close to me and I was so surprised by what he said.  More and more the Man of God is preaching to my issues that make me know that help is on the way.  We will never heal until we admit we need help.  My cousin gave us the gift of his need and we as listeners, were able to ascertain how healing came to him.  I know that if God saw fit to heal him, he will do the same for me. As my mess is revealed I refuse to cover it up and pretend as though it is not my lot.  My prayer life is on the increase because I acknowledge how messed up I am.  God is listening and answering prayers.  I love the Lord.  He is all I need and my hope for everything.  I will trust in the Lord till I die.  New mindsets are being revealed, new hope in God's ability to care for me, and new vision about where I would like to go.  I will ask the Lord for direction and not proceed until he says so.  Then I know my days will be better days for his promises on our behalf is yes, and amen.  

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Not The Best Day

Today wasn't one of my better days.  It was fraught with much emotion that I try to keep under wraps..  However, I did not do a good job today.  I had to apologize to my husband and my son.  I conveyed to them how sorry I was to allow myself to "go there".  Feelings were hurt as a result of my choice of words and as soon as they were out  my mouth, I knew I had to ask forgiveness.  The message I was trying to get across could have been accomplished with fewer and different words.  Ahh, if we allow ourselves to be led by the Holy Spirit, we would not have to say "I'm Sorry" as much.  What I like about the Lord among so many other things is that we have chance, after chance, after chance to get it right when we fail.  Of course, it is never if we fail, it is when.  We will all fail.   The mercy that the Lord shows us day by day is the guide of how we are to be with others.This evening, I have to talk to a friend about how he has wounded me, and I am already asking for direction and protection as the enemy would rather see us torn apart forever. I should have prayed earlier and I would not have hurt my family. I think I'm ready.  And while I am waiting I will continue to pray.

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Listening, Hearing and Receiving Help

This summer has been a whirlwind of activity for me.  Since the school term ended and the summer program began, there were many things I wanted to get accomplished that did not happen.  I did however, take some time just to relax and breathe.  My life seems to require more than I am able to do and I often feel as though I am letting someone else down, when in reality it is me.  God gave me opportunity to hear from people who were willing to speak to me honestly about things that I needed to change.  It was the Lord speaking thru his people on my behalf. To hear, is not always easy, especially when the spirit of offense wants to tale precedence about what is being said. I had to listen with my heart. I was voiceless sometimes.  Not because I didn't  have one but, because I didn't always need to be heard. One of the most important issues I dealt with was to apologize to my beloved husband for holding against him things that have long gone and can no longer be accounted for.  It really wasn't for him, it was for me.  That's the way forgiveness works. I feel freed up and in some ways and can be better at being who I am called to be.  I may not have been writing a lot, but the lessons I learned were worth the writing delay.  God is so amazing and he is not finished with me yet.