GOD KNEW WHAT HE CALED US TO

Our Pastor asked us to be Deacons in June or July of this year.  We both were stunned and we both cried. It seemed to us that we were not worthy of this calling but, as we accepted we knew we where going to in, deep! So our journey began and as of this date we are still studying to show our selves approved and learning so much more than we knew before. Pastor Mike Williams is an incredible teacher and he has led us to an understanding of the Call, as well as the Word that we had not experienced before.

While going through this process, we have been under attack from the evil one and other places.  We were told that this would happen but, there have been times that attack was tuned up to the utmost. I cried some, but I prayed more.  We believe in the power of prayer and know that we would not be able to go to any level without praying and asking for God for direction and protection.  He did not let us down! My precious husband has emerged in my eyes a man who knows that his source is God and does not fail to remind me when I am weak. He is holding me up and reminding me who I am in Christ and to him.

Thank God for prayer.  People have called out the clear blue, asked our well being and told us how they are praying for us. We are being encouraged to do our best studying,  for people seem to feel that this Call to be Deacons is right for us. We have not lived perfect lives but, we now live forgiven lives and God is our source.  Many, many things have happened to us in the last 2 years, we went down and got back up. I believe when we go through things and we are assigned to help others, they need to know you been through something so the can see what it looks like to be on the other side.

On other side of the challenges we met, has been a overwhelming sense of the presence of the Almighty.  He used those issues to teach us to become better at praying and depending on Him in ways we had never before. God rescued us because no one else was qualified to do so and no one else can to be to us what he continues to be.  The great I AM.

Where Did This Go Wrong... Was It ME?

I am presently exchanging emails with a former friend about money she owes me for editing work I did for her.  The promise to pay came with the initial request and there have been some exchange of monies.  I relied on the her word that she would pay me and did not have her sign a contract with me from the start.  It is now almost 3 years later and she and I are exchanging emails about said money again.  I hear a tone in her words as she asked me "how much money do I want from me"?
to which I replied "based on what you sent me and what was returned to you, how much do you think it was worth"? This is a mess!  I should have known better but, we all sometimes trust in places that we should not.  The Lord is our ultimate source and as I ponder what went wrong, I can only give account for my part in this and that is that I did not ask God if I should enter into a business relationship with this woman from the start. I saw an opportunity to make some money and continue to hone my craft, but I don't remember praying about it.  A lesson learned is better than one taught.

Thank you Lord for this lesson that will help me as I go forward in other areas of business.  I will pray and wait for an answer before moving forward with an expectations that only I share. There is enough fault to go around.

Master of the Seas, Mighty God, Jehovah Jireh, El Shaddai, Jehovah Shammah. I went on line and found a list of about 100 or more different names for God.  Some have everyday names like "Door",
"Cornerstone", "Leader", "Hope" and "Judge".  Then there are names like "Holy One of Israel", "Immanuel", "Great High Priest " and others that we don't use in everyday language when we speak about HIM and who HE is. As I looked at the list I began to see that I have known the LORD in the capacity of some of the names.  Some of the other names I have not. So if  life lasts, and I am blessed to do so, I will experience HIM in the fullness of the meanings of all  HIS names. "The GREAT I AM", "HIGH PRIEST"," WONDERFUL COUNSELOR". The list goes on.

How could I ever, at anytime, believe I could manage this life on my own?  How could I have been so full of myself that I could not see that even my next breath is a gift from God for his purpose for my life. Those names have beauty that speak of HIS attributes as well as names from the Old and New Testament. Sweet, loving all encompassing names. To help us understand the length and breadth and depth of who HE is to those of us who love and worship HIM. Moving, living and having our being, not for us but, for HIM. He is the "SHEPHERD OF MY Soul" and for that I owe him everything.

 

All the listed names point back to HIM. So, as long as I call HIM by those on the list, or don't remember any of them... I know this name.  JESUS! The AUTHOR and FINISHER of our  faith. And for that I am truly grateful.

 

When Mom and Aunt Mary were passing through the storm and could not remember things of importance in their lives, they both asked the LORD to help them remember HIM. He did! Blessed be ALPHA and OMEGA!  The names may change but he is still the same, yesterday, today and forever.

Prayer Required For Others

I know I have been called to be a intercessor in prayer for others.  I have not been doing a good job of it.
Admitting this is somewhat embarrassing , however the truth should always win.  The name and faces of people drop in on me and I feel compelled to pray for them.  I don't always know why.  I feel pain and such empathy for them and that is how I know it is not a mistake that I have be called to pray.  I shrink from petitioning for them because it causes me pain.  Not a good enough reason  not to do what I have been called to do.  Sometimes. when I am released to tell the person I've been praying for them, they will tell me about a difficult time the having and began to feel relief, or will just cry and nod for we both know it was a divine appointment. This kind of sensitivity to the needs of others is divine.
I apologize to all of you that I have let down when I am not on my intercessory assignment. We serve a forgiving God, but I will not continue  to be disobedient for it is not good for those I should be lifting up
before the Lord and certainly, not good for me.

Waiting on the Lord

I haven't had a job since July of 2012.  My husband got laid off in 2010 and was able to collect unemployment until Nov, 2012.  The Lord has keep us through all of this.  There was some money in the bank but, that is all but $47.00 worth of gone. I have been scared more than once, waking up in the middle of the night, sweat running off me and asking God to help for the 1000th time.  He has helped and is helping because we are not on the street,  We have food and we are still in our house.
There is no doubt in the minds of either of us that we are in a learning mode for God is teaching us some things about who he is and the lesson we are learning about faith and trust.

I am scared sometimes.  I wonder how we got here and review in my mind all the things we may have done wrong to be where we are.  But, does it mean we did do something wrong? Or are we being tested and tried to see how we hold up under pressure?  I think the latter is true for when I do wrong, I ask to be forgiven. We are in our 50's now and have been given mentor ship over an extraordinary group of  younger people.  So we need the test for the testimony. So as we go through this journey, we are still praying for a steadfast focus on the Lord so we can come out lifting up the name of Jesus.  Praying that we won't be anxious for anything, continue to pray and wait on the Lord.

News Can't Make Me Blue

I am listening to the daily news on TV without watching the faces of those reporting. I know these people have to present the news in an unbiased fashion. I also know it must be hard to act as though what they are saying does not phase them. I don't envy what they have to do to earn their keep. The news is devastating to some degree. Not all of it is bad, but enough so that I know I am blessed and under the aupsices of grace. I know that God has his hands on me, my family and friends. I have all that I need and sometimes, what I want. My health is good and I am taking steps to make it better. I love my husband deeply, and am grateful to God for giving him to me. I have life issues just as everyone else does but, I have the joy of the Lord which is my strength. The daily news may sometimes be frightening, but I serve a risen Savior who knows what is going on and is overseeing the fulfillment of his word in this life. I don't know what I will encounter going forward, but I do know that God has his hands on me and without question that is more than enough for me.

They Left Too Soon

Our family lost 3 important people within a 6 to 8 week period. Each women was a star in our collective life story. We were pained to see them go. Shelia left first. She was my husbands childhood friend. She was a teacher who loved her students and poured her life into theirs. She never married or had children of her own, but gave her students - herself. It evident at her home going service where the church was filled to overflow, that even she meant as much to them as they did to her. Next was my friend of 40 years, Barbara. We got to see one another, talk about old times, how much we would miss each other, the provisions she made for her husband and how much she and I loved one another. I will miss how people were important to her and she made everyone feel welcomed in her presence even when she was so sick and knew she would soon leave us for good. Harriet, was a renaissance women. Harriet was my husband's mom and more then just a mother-in-law to me. She was brilliant about a lot of things, would talk your head off if you listened, and would always let you know how she felt. She was an advocate for others. Three days before her passing, she was in the face of the Director of Nursing about the other residents and what they needed. She was not shy and sometimes put people off by her direct hits on their character or lack thereof. She loved her sons fiercely and Damon, her only grandson was the light of her life. Without question, my life is better for having known and loved them so much. I am sure they have met in Heaven and are awaiting our arrival. I look forward to seeing Jesus and them when it is my time to go. They will never be replaced but always remembered in our hearts.

Tears

There are days like today that I find myself in tears for what seems to be no apparent reason. My soul doth thank the Lord for his goodness and mercy toward me and my family. He is a worthy God. If you know him you can't miss how good he is and how good he has been. I don't have the language to express the depths of my love for him and deep down I know that which I have is still not enough. Thank you Jesus just the same for loving me beyond what I deserve. Looking beyond my faults to seeing my needs. I'll cry until I stop and be grateful for he bottles my tears.

Which Way To Go

I am not always sure which way to go.  I do have, a loving Savior with whom I have a deep and loving relationship and he sets the course for what path I take. It is up to me to
be obedient for it is better than sacrifce. Often when I have chosen to go my own way the outcome has been bad. When I do what I am asked by the Lord, it may not have been what I would have wanted to do , but the outcome is so much better. God's way is so much better.
Many times I have thanked God for not giving me what I asked for. He is far more faithful than I am, and patient with me.
I thank him for his lovingkindness and tender mercy on behalf of someone whose payment for her debt,should have been
hell.

I Am Factor

The I Am factor is very much a part of where my thoughts are.  There have always been people to talk about you get what you say.  Really that has more to do with a mind set and what you are willing to do to have what it is you want.  My I Am factor right now is about right position in my relationship with the Lord.  When my life is aligned with the will of Christ the other aesthetic issues will line up as they should.  God has made promises to us that will be kept beyond what man promises.  We also have to do things in God plan or we find ourselves out of the will of God.  He is the master planner and will execute his desire for us beyond what we think is right for us.

Traveling Through This Land

I've had something to say before now, but I kept putting off coming back here to say it all. This is by far one of the most beloved places I have every had to write and encourage myself. My family has been in a state of flux. We have lost 5 loved ones to death and their passing has left us shaken to the core.
Two of my very good friends are fighting cancer of some type. Both women have been strong and courageous in the way they have lived their lives and one is closer to leaving us than the other. It is so painful to know that they will be leaving us for I feel such deep connection to both and I don't want to let them go. But, they will complete thier journeys and the rest of us will go on.
Death is a part of life. I tell the young people in my life that life has to recycle. People come, people go. We all have to die. We all lose someone near and dear that we don't want to let go. These women have been such good friends and a compliment to their families and others. They have always been willing to help and have live lives reflecting the God's goodness towards others. My prayer for them is that God will not allow them to suffer long and I know his grace is sufficient. I know we will meet again.

Countdown to 2012

This year 2011 was hard for some .  I thought so.  It wasn't until I asked God to show me what  I was supposed to get out of this difficult place that I could see more clearly.  Finances, health, emotions, missed opportunites, desired opportunites not granted etc., etc., etc.  What I know now is that this year was necessary for the people I will meet and share with later.  When you talk to people and they tell you what  is happening in their lives you think truth is your answer to their issue, and it should be - without offending.  We should always be prepared to give answer for the hope that is within us and that include some details of some rough places we have been so others may know that we have been there too.  We don't all experience the same thing but, we all  hurt sometimes and miss the mark.

It's nice to know the seasoned women I have been privileged know have been in some tough places and through tough times. What makes the difference is that I know if God saw them to the other side of the road, he will do the same for me.  I am his child too and he loves me no less than them.  I wanted the easy way out.  Easy is not the norm in God's economy whether it is money, knowledge, wisdom or experience

it all costs something. I give honor to God for the year 2011 and desire with all my heart to do a better job of living in 2012.  I look  forward to a closer more intimate walk with the Lord.  I will still experience things that will not be as I wish, but to walk with the Lord through it all is what I choose to do.  Thank you Lord for all you've done for me. 2012 is looking good already.

Momma Said There'll Be Days Like This

It is a blessing to live long enough to see the things Mom had to say come to truth in my life.  Right now I am looking at so many truisms she said that loom real in my life.  "Keep Living", was not one of her quotes but the mantra of the mother of a former friend.  The "Keep Living Mantra" has shown me how wise my Mom was and if given the chance, I may have the same degree of wisdom to impart to some listener. Mom talked often about reaping what you sow, if I tell you a chicken dips snuff look under his wing, wait and see, I may not be her to hear it etc, etc, etc.  Mom had so much to say sometimes her silence was deafening. I want to be that wise, that Proverbs wisdom that I live out and am able to bless others with.  God has been so good to me and I have much more to learn as I continue to walk with him.  There is much about Mom that I want to emulate in my life.  I look like her as I age, but I desire to be as wise as she was. Her wisdom came from hard lessons learned and mistakes that she made.  It all cost her something and it will be the same for me.
I want to leave a legacy of strength and love like she did.

Relationships

Relationships mean more to me as I age.  Especially the ones within my family.  Our eldest sister is ill again, and each time she gets ill I become concerned. I know she is saved and I know no one could have her back better than God does.  But, I am her baby sister. I know that we are answers to our mother's prayers in the promises God made to save our whole household. Frances, Juanita and I are proof of that promise. I am the youngest and experiencing those feeling that come when your sister is sick.  Now that I think about it, being the youngest isn't the issue between us.  It is just cause it's just Sissy.  She has health issues that have taken away the feisty woman she used to be. It is hard to see but, fills me with compassion for her.  I thank God she is still here, and I can still do what baby sisters do to help.  I am grateful for my neices and nephew that do what they should for their mom.  We should  not slack when to comes to family, for I know God holds us to different standards.  His love is the measure we use to love others.  It will never be the same, but it needs to be as close as God gives us the strength to do.

YEAR IN REVIEW

2011 was a very difficult year.  But, I get it.  I am being called out to do something that takes having to be under pressure and some degree of difficulty.  I know that in life those of us who are of the household of faith find ourselves under the gun and it is not for us.  It is for someone else.  I know that God sent people to me the my past, that had been through what I had been through.  Their experience helped me tremendously.  Experience that we personally go through is not always the best teacher.  I tell that to my young people.  Experience, can hurt and destroy. It can also end your life.

God's grace allows us second chances.  He is a God of second, third, fourth chances and more because of the grace he gives to us.  Unmerited favor.  I know I have done nothing to deserve unmerited favor.  For God to love me like this is nothing that I earned. I thank the Lord for his great love for me.  At times it was the only I thought I had and more than I could return.

I look forward to the new year and all that it is going to bring.  I am bringing my "A" game and by the grace of God it will be his love for me and plan for my life that I will follow.  Doing what I have been called to do and worshipping him as King of Kings and Lord of Lords.

He Cares For Me

There is within me a spirit of restlessness.  I don't know what to do with it.  I have been here before and I find myself reevaluating some of my choices - again.  I don't know for sure what to do, but I know to keep calm and not make any crazy changes right now.  I am not sure if this feeling comes with age or just a real desire for something different.  Since I know people depend on me and other young women are watching, I must be careful.  I do have an obligation to live my life reflective of the spirit of God within me and because of that I have to be careful of choices and consequences.  I am praying for peace and direction.  I am a changeling in that I never stay the same from the inside out.  I like that God's care for me makes me want to be more like him. His everlasting love is my saving grace.  Many have proclaimed love for others but, there is no love like the love of God.  Time to watch and wait.  However, I will not be ringing my hands for God is truly caring for me. 

Songs of Zion

Although I love Contemporary Gospel,but it is the Hymns of old that resonate deepest within my spirit.  I remember how the old Saints in the church I grew up in would hum and sing the Songs of Zion.  On many occasions we had no music but, we knew how to keep time with our collective voices, hand clapping, foot tapping and the spirit within us. Glory to God for what he has wrought in the lives of his children. We are so special to God,  he made special provisions just for us.  In our" Sweet Hour of Prayer" may we remember how "Wonderful the Matchless Name of Jesus" is and we have "Blessed Assurance that he is "Holy, Holy, Holy."

Four Generations and Counting

Aunt Etta was the last of the fifth generation on my mother's side.  She and our mother were teenage girl friends and my Aunt married one of Mom's brothers.  She left us for heaven week before last.  We had a beautiful homegoing for her.  She would have loved the singing, the poetry, the kind words and all the other fanfare.  Auntie was a Queen in her own right.  Her children, grandchildren, great grands, nieces and nephews can attest to who she was and the impact she made on all of our lives.  She knew how to make you feel important, like you were the only person that she needed to love on.  An incredible, loving strong woman.  I wish so much to have at least some of what she had.  I want to affect they lives of others the way she did, but with my own spin on it. I cried a lot after she left us.  I was in the Doctor's office when he told us what her diagnosis was.  She said she was glad to know what was wrong and even then she was proclaiming the goodness of the Lord in her life.  She said she knew God would take care of her and that he would keep his promise to her.  What amazing grace to witness that spirit during one of the most crucial times in her life.  It also helps to bloster my faith for when I see old soliders like her and others holding on to God's promises, I know I can make it through.  As Mom used to say "God is not going to change his mind in your case." Aunt Etta saw Jesus, and so will we if we contiue to run the race before us.  I believe God and his word.

Standing on the Promises

I am at another crossroad.  I have to relinquish any control I thought I had and allow Christ his proper place in my life.  The standard I used to considered the way we could live has disappeared and the question is simple.  Will we do this our way according to feelings? Or Christ's way?!  Our son has to leave and go on his way without the cover we have long provided for him because he doesn't live a Godly life.  Therefore he is open to all kinds of living that is not how his Dad and I have chosen. He can't bring any kind of living to our home anymore.  My heart hurts, but, I choose Christ. I feel like crying but, I choose Christ.  I don't want him to go but, I choose Christ. I will cry but, I choose Christ. I remember well what Christ has done for me and how my life has changed.  In order to continue to be on the right path, I have to let him be parented by the Lord. I will pray for him until I close my eyes in death. I will ask the Lord to teach him and spare his life - then trust God to do the extraordinary in his life like he did in the life of his dad and myself. I choose Christ and there is no turning back.

Didn't See It Like This

Tomorrow starts a new school year for us.  Lord, Please help me for it is not as it formerly had been and with each passing year we have to do more with less. The people that make the decisions over our children are no longer being educated by the system they make us swallow and our children are being cheated. Lord please help. Help me please, oh Lord.  Even if I can't see the whole picture let me at least see some of it through your eyes.  Hold us up Holy Ghost for we can't accomplish anything unless you help.